The Cat’s Meow

I suppose it’s time for an update or an actual post.  I’ve been posting filler entries for a while because I didn’t feel like writing an entry.  Also I’ve managed to procrastinate a few things to the point where now I’m scrambling to get them done.  Therefore I haven’t really had the time to post.  It’s my own doing, so I can’t blame anyone else. 

This all goes back to my lack of motivation lately that I posted about a few weeks back.  It hasn’t gotten any better and I really have no idea how to motivate myself at times.  In a way, procrastinating must give me that needed motivation to get moving (Oh my God, I only have an hour and a half to write a research paper before I have to turn it in!).  Unfortunately it isn’t a good way of self motivating.  While I do seem to work better under pressure at times, it’s the little things that can really throw you off, like running out of printer ink or discovering there’s a huge brush fire near the campus that’s causing road closures, detours and massive traffic back-ups.

So now what I have left as far as this semester goes (and summer session isn’t in stone yet) is to either write 2 smaller research papers (where I don’t have to cite sources) or 1 larger paper that is the size of the two smaller ones and I do have to cite sources.  Oh, and this has to be done by Thursday at 6, along with reading 2-3 chapters in the text and studying for the final.  Then next week I have a test on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  After that, I think I’m done.  But the in-laws will be here this Saturday.  It’s really bad timing, but can’t be helped.  I also need to work on cleaning house to get ready for their visit in between writing research papers and studying for a test.  Plus, I have forms I need to fill out very soon, decisions to make, several phone calls to make, emails to write, application forms to fill out, some job assistance seminar I have to attend next week as well and bills to pay.  The in-laws generally like to go to some attraction and spend the entire day there.  One year it was Disney’s Animal Kingdom, another time it was Kennedy Space Center, another was Cypress Gardens and then there was Marineland.  The attractions are fun, but they are the people that get there first thing in the morning when it opens and generally will be leaving about the time they are closing.  Which means I am totally beat afterwards. 

This year I don’t know what they have planned, but I’m sort of hoping that whatever it is will be on Thursday or Friday AFTER finals.  The rest of the time we’ll be going out to eat (one of their favorite things to do) and probably lazing around in the pool (which I can definitely handle in between times of studying) and watching movies.  Hubby’s stepmom has this schedule of going to bed at like 7 or 8 and waking up at 4 a.m. because of the hours she has had to work.  She would get up extra early to actually do some cleaning before going to work.  When she’s here, she has this habit of getting up butt ass early and scooping our catbox.  I generally scoop it in the evenings so naturally there is something in it by morning.  For some reason, this irritates me.  I don’t say anything and I know she is probably just used to doing that and feels she is being helpful.  Still, I don’t know why, but it makes me feel guilty for not being up at 4 a.m. to scoop my own catbox.  Am I being ridiculous?  I certainly don’t plan to start getting up that early just to beat her at scooping the catbox, but I don’t know if I should say anything or not.  I’m thinking if I did, it would be along the lines of her not having to do that because I will take care of it and she should just enjoy her vacation.  I dunno. 

Sunday, I played in the Lung Association Charity Poker Tournament here.  It was the second year they’ve had it.  I played last year so naturally they called me and asked me to play this year as well.  I donated a little more so I could choose the table I wanted to sit at and we’d have our own dealer instead of having to deal the cards ourselves.  I wanted to sit at the table of a locally known female attorney that I wanted to meet.  I was really going to the poker tournament to network, more than to play poker.  I had made some small business cards with a very brief version of my resume on them to hand out.

I dressed very professionally for the tournament for this reason.  After handing the valet the keys to the car, I was walking towards the entrance and noticed my ex-boss from several years ago right next to me.  He opened the door for me without realizing who I was and then he looked and recognized me.  He played last year as well.  We chit chatted some, but neither one of us brought up business of any sort.  I had to get my table assignment, which turned out to be Table 1.  Once everyone arrived at the table, we all introduced ourselves and chatted.  Most everyone was looking at the rule book for Texas Hold ‘Em.  My table was all women except for 2 men.  One of the men asked everyone to raise their hand if they had ever played this game before.  I was the only one.  I was also the only one who had actually WATCHED poker on TV.  So they declared me their ‘leader’.  Well, there’s not really a leader of that sort in the game.  If you’re leading, that means you are taking other people out.

Now a few days before the tournament, I was chatting with another friend online that likes to play poker and I mentioned that I would be playing in the tournament.  He and I had never met in person, although we had chatted online and played poker online.  It turns out that he came and he brought a friend.  So my mentioning it to him got a few more donations for the Lung Association because of their entry fees.  That was cool.

Anyhow, 3 glasses of Chardonnay later, I find myself at one of the two final tables.  I think there was about 180 people in the tournament.  I don’t know because like I said before, my main reason for going this time was for networking.  At the two final tables there are 3 women, including myself.  The rest were men.  One of the men was the friend that my online friend brought with him.  I recognized the woman next to me but couldn’t place her right off the bat.  She noticed I couldn’t remember where I knew her from.  She’s the wife of one of the local morning radio personalities who also does poker/catering for people.  I had played in some of their games previously (like the one I ended up winning because a fight broke out at the table and everyone quickly left their seats, and for some reason didn’t return).  One would think I knew a lot of the people that were there, but most of the ones I knew were other poker players from weekly games I’ve played in.  One came up to me at the table and said “hey, aren’t you Catgirl online?” (that is my poker nick as well). 

As we started final table play, I had my previous table all there supporting me and cheering me on.  One lady who I think had more than 3 glasses of wine and brought me another one (my 4th) was hanging all over me and encouraging me.  So I had an audience for a while, or at least until they got bored of watching and a few went on home.  The two final tables went to one final table and I was still there, believe it or not.  So were the other two women.  Then I couldn’t get cards to save my life.  I think that was the worst run of bad cards I’ve had to date.  I was seriously short stacked to the point where each hand before the blind gets to me, I’m trying to decide whether this is the hand to go all in on or wait for the next.  Then I was dealt A/K.  That was the best hand I’d had at that table.  It was a no brainer.  I went all in pre-flop.  I had two other callers.  At the showdown, I lost though.  One of the other callers also had A/K and he was all in, so two of us were taken out at once.  Oh well.  I had a good run, I had some fun and I met some interesting people.  Plus it was for charity anyhow.  The next day I remembered why 4 glasses of Chardonnay weren’t such a good idea.:what:

Well, I guess that’s my update.  I need sleep and then I need to get my butt in gear and get some crap done the rest of this week.  Can someone please light a fire under my ass?  I need it.

All for now…

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa.”  Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500!”  The lawyer figures that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”  The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”  The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.  He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.  Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows, all to no avail. 

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?”  Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.:biglaugh:

Here are a few from my top 20:

 

1. Cat’s Meow Patterns (now I’m curious…)
2. Hot Female.com (I don’t mind the flattery)
3. Nutty Knitting Space (I thought this was amusing)
4. Music Dead Armadillo Lyrics (OK, so that one is just weird)
5. The Cat’s Meow Brand Yarn (Now I think I understand the first one with the patterns.  Is there really a yarn brand called The Cat’s Meow?  And just how strange is it that I would blog about knitting and not even know that?) :biglaugh:

Sense of unfairness

flows through my mind and body

Makes me doubt myself

 

 

My one wish for now

Injustice to be made right

and tears wiped away

 

 

I wish for a friend

to understand and to make

my world right again.

 

 

You know who you are

You know what you mean to me

I mean something too…

 

Well, I said I’d post a few pictures to get my mind off my melancholy mood.  I put them on a separate page, so you’ll have to click on the link below.  The first one is what I call the Mafia Wedding Party photo.  It was hubby’s idea and it still makes me giggle when I see it.  Then there are some more of my family and one of hubby’s family with hubby and I at our wedding.  I have this weird look on my face because about that time, I was seriously sick of having my picture taken.  I had to be in all of them, it seemed.  The bouquet was heavy, I was hot in that dress and we were antsy and wanted to get through the reception and on the road to our honeymoon.

So without further ado, here are some pictures of my crazy family :

http://felinefemale.com/family-photos/

List ten things you want to say to ten random people, but you know you never will say these things to them. Don’t say who the comment is meant for, and use people only once.

In my case, I have some things I actually would say to the intended person.  So some of these I would say to them and some I wouldn’t.

1. Words will never express how deeply sorry I am. 
2. Dude, they aren’t your kids.
3. Do you really think I’m that stupid?
4. I miss you badly and want to see you soon so we can have some fun together.
5. I know you will probably always think I’m a deadbeat, but I used to look up to you and want to be like you.
6. Thank you for treating me with respect and loving me like one of your own, even after what happened.
7. I wish you found me as interesting and inspiring as I have found you, because I really enjoy every moment with you.
8. Sometimes I wonder if we could have made it work.
9. I don’t care what you thought or felt.  It was wrong, you knew it and now I get to live with the regret.
10. Can you ever go 5 minutes without thinking or saying something about sex?  Or is that all you see in me?.

I had been so much better and now I feel I have regressed into a depressive state once more.  I haven’t felt well, either.  My stomach has not been feeling well, but I think it’s because I’ve been depressed somewhat.  It’s a good thing I’ve been close to a bathroom all day.  I should be studying right now.  I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything much the last week or so.  I had a test tonight that thankfully I can make up on Wednesday.  I have another test tomorrow and I haven’t prepared for it.  This is something I have a problem with, though.  Whenever I feel hurt, depressed, upset, or sad, I’m absolutely no good as far as working or getting anything productive done.  I had days at work that I couldn’t get any work done because of how I felt emotionally.  Now it’s affecting school. This is really bad timing for me to hit a low depression.

I’ve got family coming in town the end of the month.  I’ve got cleaning and boxes to sort through before then.  I’ve got to get the brakes fixed on the truck this week sometime.  I’ve got bills to pay.  I’ve got to figure out whether I’m going to retake the math placement test and if so, I really need to do it this week.  If not, then I need to get registered for Fall Session and make sure I’m taking the right classes.  In the meantime, I still have to study, I have 3 papers to write and I will be having Final Exams while family is here visiting.  Joy.

What I feel like doing is throwing the covers back over my head and going back to sleep.  My dream world is so much more pleasant than this world is right now.  Even during the times I’m not dreaming.  I’m just tired of feeling this way.  I had thought things were better and I had felt better several weeks ago.  Even losing my job didn’t upset me a whole lot.  Maybe a part of it was that while I was working, I felt needed, useful and that I contributed.  Now I don’t feel as needed or useful.  I know keeping the house is a form of being useful, but truthfully, I was never that good at it.  Hubby is much more handy around the house than I am. 

I have things I’d like to do or projects to work on, etc.  I just don’t have the motivation to do anything.  I don’t know what to do, but something has to give; something has to change.  I don’t want to feel this way anymore.  It’s even more frustrating because I was doing so well a few weeks ago and I had more confidence in myself.  Now I just feel like a frightened little girl on the inside.  I don’t like feeling that I’m not in control of things, especially my emotions.

I think I’ll end this entry here.  I really don’t have anything positive to add on this subject and I feel like I’m just whining about things.  Maybe a good deal of it is hormonal.  I was hoping to hear from a certain friend and I didn’t, so I think that is part of my whining and pity party.  I always feel better when I talk to this friend and I felt I needed that today, or hell, last week, even.  So I guess I’m still hoping to hear from them soon.

Meanwhile, I don’t feel like writing about this anymore.  I think I’ll post some pictures or something else next.  I just want to keep myself occupied and not think about the depressing things as much as possible, since there doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it right now.

I know I’ve been somewhat quiet lately.  I just haven’t felt like posting.  Also I haven’t been in the best of moods lately for a few reasons and I feel I post too many depressing entries. 

I’ve had a serious lack of motivation or desire to do anything at all except read and sleep.  School is doing fine.  I still have an A average in my classes.  I got permission to retake my math placement test because I was really sick the day I took it and I didn’t do well.  In fact, it was the day I had just come from the doctor’s office.  I haven’t retaken it yet, though.  I don’t want to until I study a bit more for it, but I have absolutely no motivation to study for it lately.  I’ve tried to push myself to do it and I haven’t been able to do it.  I look at the material for 5-10 minutes and at the first sign of discouragement, I’m on to something else.  I’ve had enough discouragement lately so I just am not able to handle any more right now. :(

I have a friend who might help me with studying for the test retake, but they have been too busy lately to even talk to me, much less help me with that.  Maybe they will be able to soon, but I have no idea at this point.  So I’m just discouraged about the whole thing and am contemplating not even retaking the test at all.  If I retake it without having studied enough for it and I don’t get the score I want, it will just discourage me even more.

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